Some Form Of Social (Media)
by Graysonation
Summary: This is how the world ends . . . This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a website. The team gets Facebook, and the games begin (Oneshot. No prompt, no pairings. Just pure, sweet, ridiculous, unadulterated crack.)


**Author's Note:** I don't even . . . I mean, what the — ?

I don't even know how to explain this, I SWEAR. I just logged on after almost a solid week of finals, and I was all, "Hey, I haven't written anything in a blink or so . . ." And suddenly, two hours had passed an I was looking at _this_ on my screen.

. . . LOLz. I've never tried a crack!fic before. Guess there _is_ a first time for everything after all, huh?

Anyhoo, this should be fairly simple, as one shots go; the first line in each scene is someone posting their status, and every line after that are people Liking, Commenting, or Poking — ya know, all those wonderful things people do on Facebook? It's pretty Reid-centric (aren't all of my forays into writing?) and not all that coherent . . . I'm claiming AU on this one — like I said, it's the product of elation over finishing another semester of college, a lack of sleep (for the same reason), and having and nothing to eat but popcorn all day. Not my fault, I swear. *Holds hands up, backs away*

 **Warnings:** Uhm, . . . double entendres, shameless fangirling, series-wide spoilers, stalking, threats of the boyish nature, hints of slash, hints of het, chess, coffee, text-language . . . everything but the kitchen sink, basically. You have been warned.

 **Disclaimer:** "Not mine, not mine, not mine . . ." — Phoebe Buffet, "Friends" 1995

If you're in the mood to review, I won't stop you. But you're all grown-ass independent people — do whatever the frick you want.

* * *

 _ **"Some Form of Social (Media)"**_

* * *

 **Aaron Hotchner** has joined Facebook.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** has joined Facebook.

 **David Rossi** has joined Facebook.

 **Emily Prentiss** has joined Facebook.

 **Derek Morgan** has joined Facebook.

* * *

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Okay, guys, this is the new BAU Division Facebook Page. Make sure to follow and check for updates is how we'll be communicating from here on out.

( **Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss,** and **David Rossi** all like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** I still don't think we should have to use FB for our jobs, Hotch.

( **David Rossi** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** I didn't make the decision, Morgan. Budget cuts mean cheaper forms of communication, and this website is free. Deal with it.

 **Derek Morgan:** :P

 **Aaron Hotchner:** What is that?

 **Derek Morgan:** Cheaper form of communication. Deal with it.

( **David Rossi, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau,** and **Penelope Garcia** like this.)

* * *

 **Emily Prentiss:** Where's Reid?

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jeareau:** Still in Strauss's office about missing our flight yesterday.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Is he in trouble?

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** No. He wants to know if there's a way to do Facebook through paper file.

( **Penelope Garcia** likes this.)

* * *

 **Spencer Reid** has joined Facebook.

( **Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Penelope Garcia,** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** Finally wore you down, man?

 **Spencer Reid:** How did you write that on my homepage?

 **Derek Morgan:** It's called a profile.

 **Spencer Reid:** Profile? Is that why **Erin Strauss** is forcing us use this internet? Is this related to the BAU?

 **Erin Strauss:** Agent Reid, I am not forcing you to do anything. And this page is for professional purposes only; do not use them to start rumors about our proud organization.

 **Spencer Reid:** How did she see that?

 **Derek Morgan:** You tagged her, kid.

 **Spencer Reid:** What does 'tagged' mean?

 **Derek Morgan:** *facepalm*

( **David Rossi, Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss, and Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** What is that?

( **Aaron Hotchner** likes this.)

* * *

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** added a **Life Event: Got Pregnant!**

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** changed her relationship status to **In A Relationship** with **William LaMontagne Jr.**

( **William LaMontagne Jr., Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner,** and **Spencer Reid** like this.)

 **Penelope Garcia:** CONGRATZ!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Thank you, I'm so excited! :)

 **Spencer Reid:** I think you put those in the wrong order.

( **David Rossi** and **Derek Morgan** like this.)

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Whoopsie. My mistake.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Give it up, we ALREADY KNEW.

( **Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia,** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** We ARE profilers, JJ.

 **Derek Morgan:** You should be ashamed if Pretty Boy was the one to catch you.

 **Spencer Reid:** Hey!

 **Derek Morgan:** No offense kid.

 **Spencer Reid:** Just because I am not the most adept at social interactions or pop culture doesn't mean I'm dim. If EIDETIC memory serves, I HAPPEN to be a certified genius.

 **Derek Morgan:** . . . In physics. Baby-makin' ain't exactly math.

 **Penelope Garcia:** I disagree. You do have to subtract the clothes.

 **Emily Prentiss:** And add some lube.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Divide the legs . . .

 **Emily Prentiss:** And MULTIPLY!

( **Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan,** and **David Rossi** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** EWW.

( **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** likes this.)

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia:** This . . . girl is on fiiiiire!

 **Spencer Reid:** That's not funny. Our victim might have been seriously hurt. And anyway, you're not supposed to post about cases on here, Garcia.

 **Penelope Garcia:** It's not a case, it's a song.

 **Spencer Reid:** About our case?

 **Penelope Garcia:** See, this is why we can't have nice things.

* * *

 **George "The Reaper" Foyet:** Better watch out **Aaron Hotchner**. I'm gonna get YOUUUUU.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** OMG WTF? You're supposed to be DEAD — I LITERALLY BEAT YOU TO DEATH!

 **Emily Prentiss:** Well, I guess we're all screwed, aren't we?

( **George "The Reaper" Foyet** and **Karl Arnold** likes this.)

 **David Rossi:** Calm down, guys, we can kill him again. Let me call someone.

 **Derek Morgan:** Hey, not to like distract or anything from the whole 'Bad Guy Alive' thing, but who the hell is Karl Arnold?

 **Karl Arnold:** I'm serving life in prison because of you meddling kids.

 **Derek Morgan:** Uhm . . . I got nothing.

( **Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau,** and **Penelope Garcia** like this.)

 **Karl Arnold:** I was a therapist who killed his patients and their families.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Nope.

 **Karl Arnold:** I took their wedding rings as souvenirs?

 **Emily Prentiss:** Still not ringing any bells.

 **Spencer Reid:** Dude, even I can't remember you.

 **Karl Arnold:** You called me THE FOX!

 **Penelope Garcia:** OH, I know! You're that ginger with the coolio beard!

( **Karl Arnold** likes this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** GINGER? Souless freaks.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Guys, can we please focus on the fact that FOYET IS BACK?

 **George "The Reaper" Foyet:** LOL, it's Tobias. I came on here to shut down Foyet's account since he's dead, but I thought I'd have some fun with you all first.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** o.0

( **Derek Morgan, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss,** and **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** Seriously, Tobias, that's not cool.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** You have way too much free time on your hands.

 **George "The Reaper" Foyet:** Better than spending all day fantasizing about Morgan with his shirt off. COUGH.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Like I'm the only one who does that. *Cough* Garcia! *Cough*

 **Penelope Garcia:** *Cough* Emily! *Cough*

 **Emily Prentiss:** *Cough* Hotch! *Cough*

 **Aaron Hotchner:** *Cough* Reid! *Cough*

 **Spencer Reid:** . . . Thanks a lot, Tobias . . .

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia:** I'm feeling sexy and free . . . Like it is raining on me . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, 'cuz girl you're amazing just the way you are.

 **Penelope Garcia:** I belong with you, you belong with me in my sweet heart.

 **Derek Morgan:** I cannot overstate it, I will be overjoyed.

( **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** and **William LaMontagne Jr.** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** I don't get this . . .

 **Penelope Garcia:** All I really need to understand is when you talk dirty to me.

 **Derek Morgan:** All I wanna do is love your body.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Is anybody else starting to think it's getting way too Title-9 up in here?

 **David Rossi:** Let's not make this harder than it has to be; it's all the same thing. Boys chase girls chase boys.

( **Derek Morgan** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** What?

 **Derek Morgan:** SONG LYRICS, REID. We're posting song lyrics.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Because we're . . . All about that base, about that base. No treble.

 **Spencer Reid:** Why?

 **Penelope Garcia:** Because I can do anything, anything, anything I want.

 **Spencer Reid:** I don't see the point in this.

 **Emily Prentiss:** It'll all get better in time!

 **Spencer Reid:** WHY?

 **Aaron Hotchner:** If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. You better do coz it makes you feel good . . .

 **Emily Prentiss:** And if you don't post a lyric, then you're not allowed on our comments.

 **Spencer Reid:** . . . I don't know any relevant songs!

 **Penelope Garcia:** Why, oh why, does that not surprise me?

( **David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner,** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect.

 **Spencer Reid:** Rub-a-dub, just relaxin' in the tub, thinkin' everything was alright . . .

 **David Rossi:** . . . There are no words.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Reid . . . You know what, I'm not even going to bother.

 **Spencer Reid:** What? It's a song!

 **Penelope Garcia:** The sheer absurdity of all this actually made me feel even better.

 **Penelope Garcia:** BTW, you all rock like geology.

( **Spencer Reid** likes this.)

* * *

 **Aaron Hotchner** created an **Event** : **Jack Hotchner's Graduation Soccer Game.**

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** is **Attending.**

 **Emily Prentiss** is **Attending.**

 **David Rossi** is **Attending.**

 **Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid,** and **Derek Morgan** are **Maybe Attending.**

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Aww, how adorable is it that Hotch posts stuff about Jack on here?

( **Penelope Garcia** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** It's too cute. Every time I see a new notification, I just KNOW it's gonna be about his kid.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** I don't post THAT much stuff about Jack!

 **Penelope Garcia:** It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all love the posts and the comments and the pictures.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** I have NEVER posted a picture of Jack on here! Who knows who could see that?!

 **Derek Morgan:** Dude, are your privacy settings on 'high?'

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Yes . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** Then you're fine. No one can see your pictures except for friends.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Good. I just want to keep my son safe. I love him.

 **Penelope Garcia:** AWWWWW! That's so sweet I almost got diabetes.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** He's such a good parent.

( **Aaron Hotchner** likes this.)

 **Penelope Garcia:** IKR? He's a total soccer-mom!

( **Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, David Rossi, Spencer Reid,** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

* * *

 **Kevin Lynch** has just **Poked Penelope Garcia.**

 **Penelope Garcia** has just **Smacked Kevin Lynch.**

 **Kevin Lynch:** O.O HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

 **Penelope Garcia:** It's FB, not the FBI, my dear. I could hack this in my sleep.

 **Kevin Lynch:** You should definitely smack me in real life sometime . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** That . . . was awful.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Sweetie, that's not how you 'hit on' a lady. X)

 **Derek Morgan:** That . . . was WORSE.

 **Penelope Garcia:** I'm no lady, and I LOVE it. Kevin Lynch, my office in ten minutes.

( **Kevin Lynch** likes this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** Why does Garcia need Kevin in her office?

 **Derek Morgan:** Probz so she can "poke" him back. ;D

 **Spencer Reid:** Why the quotation marks?

 **Emily Prentiss:** Oh, honey . . .

* * *

 **Spencer Reid:** I take my men like I take my coffee; tall, dark, and oh-so-sweet.

( **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Emily Prentiss,** and **Jordan Todd** like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** That is NOT funny!

 **Derek Morgan:** This is Reid, by the way.

 **Derek Morgan:** Dude, get off my profile! Why're you even on mine?!

 **Derek Morgan:** Because SOMEONE HACKED MINE.

( **Penelope Garcia** likes this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** Babygirl, give him his password back. Stealing ain't nice.

 **Penelope Garcia:** XD I was going to anyway, after I righted a few wrongs in the world. You two BELONG together.

 **Derek Morgan:** . . . Not even Pretty Boy is THAT pretty . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** I'M NOT GAY!

 **David Rossi:** Wait, I'm confused. Who's not gay, Morgan or Reid?

 **Derek Morgan:** Both of us!

 **Derek Morgan:** *Neither* of us.

 **Derek Morgan:** THAT was Reid, FYI.

 **Emily Prentiss:** OK, Morgan I can see, I guess. But Reid is SOOOO gay!

 **Derek Morgan:** I AM NOT!

 **Derek Morgan:** DUDE, GET OFF MY ACCOUNT. Seriously, this is creepy.

 **Derek Morgan:** Make me. XP

 **Derek Morgan:** I'll make you regret those words, youngster.

 **Derek Morgan:** Kiss . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** My . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** BUTT!

 **Derek Morgan:** I'll do a lot more than THAT!

 **Emily Prentiss:** See what I mean?! You don't even need PG to add the homoerotic subtext . . .

( **Penelope Garcia, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Jordan Todd, David Rossi,** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** This is Reid and I AM STRAIGHT.

 **Penelope Garcia:** . . . As a corkscrew.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** She's got a point, Reid: you're always dressing on those vests and Converse, and your hair is longer than JJ's . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** Excuuuuse me for having good taste!

 **Penelope Garcia:** Plus, you're like, always spending private time away with those guys from work.

 **Derek Morgan:** I was kidnapped! Being kidnapped is NOT the same thing as a weekend away with someone!

( **Tobias Hankle** likes this.)

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Gotta admit, Spence, you get 'kidnapped' a lot. And always by dudes . . .

 **David Rossi:** WTF are they talking about?

 **Emily Prentiss:** It's from before you were on the team.

 **David Rossi:** . . . I seriously cannot remember ever NOT being on this team.

( **Erin Strauss** likes this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** Yeah, we don't talk about those days a lot. We like things much better with you.

( **Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau,** and **David Rossi** like this.)

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia:** **Aaron Hotchner** budget codes pwease?

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Oh . . . Why?

 **Penelope Garcia:** I've been a VERY good girl and gotten the FBI some serious tax cuts this year, and I wanna treat the team to iPads to celebrate.

( **Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau,** and **Ashley Seaver** like this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** Do we HAVE to use computers?

 **Penelope Garcia:** I'll keep it wireless for you, sweetie.

( **Spencer Reid** likes this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** These are going to be used on-the-job, as WORKING expenditures?

 **Penelope Garcia:** Almost entirely.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** ALMOST?

 **Penelope Garcia:** Fine. OFFICIALLY they are just for usage on BAU case.

 **Penelope Garcia:** But I can't control what you do with them in private time. ;)

( **David Rossi** likes this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** Wait, so you can just use our security pool to buy stuff whenever you want?

 **Penelope Garcia:** I might not always have permission to do so . . .

 **Derek Morgan:** That's a yes.

 **Penelope Garcia:** I never use it for anything illegal or irresponsible. :( I just buy things for the team — upgrades for the jet, motel rooms, meals, clothes . . .

 **Emily Prentiss:** OMG IDEA. We should TOTALLY go shopping for some new outfits.

( **Penelope Garcia, Ashley Seaver, Jordan Todd,** and **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** Oh, great. The women are talking about clothes-shopping. Again.

( **David Rossi, Spencer Reid,** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** Shut up; we'll be buying stuff for you lot, as well.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Ooh, dressing the boys? Double-count me in!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** I agree. Our men need some serious wardrobe advice.

 **William La Montagne Jr.:** HEY!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Calm down sweetie. I was talking about our men on the team. I love you.

( **William La Montagne Jr.** likes this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** What's wrong with the way we dress?

 **Emily Prentiss:** Actually, Hotch, you're not so bad — a little tedious with always wearing the same suit, but it's nothing a few new ties and some nice pinstripe shirts won't fix. Same with Rossi, although his shoes have GOT to go. I'm mainly concerned about Morgan and Reid.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Agreed.

 **Derek Morgan:** I don't need a makeover!

 **Penelope Garcia:** No, you need a makeUNDER.

 **Derek Morgan:**?

 **Penelope Garcia:** My dear chocolate Adonis, I love seeing your glorious pectorals, but you're starting to look like a thirty-year-old trying to look like a twenty-year-old. We need to dress you more your age.

 **Spencer Reid:** So . . . OLD?

 **Derek Morgan:** Don't make me come up there!

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Reid, don't start things. You don't really have room to talk; even I know that sweater vests aren't cool anymore.

 **Spencer Reid:** Sweatervests ROCK!

 **Emily Prentiss:** Notice how no one 'liked' that?

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Reid, sweatervests are for eighty-year-old grandpas — and toddlers, when it's cold outside. You look like a 'chappie' from the twenties, because you're problem is the SAME as Morgan's: you need to dress more your age.

 **Derek Morgan:** So . . . like a child?

 **Spencer Reid: Derek Morgan** I WILL take your iPod again.

 **Derek Morgan:** Bite me, BABY.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Oh, dear . . .

 **Penelope Garcia:** Annnnd, there goes our whole shop-versation. Ladies, group-message me, we'll discuss this in private — NO BOYS ALLOWED.

( **Emily Prentiss, Ashley Seaver, Jordan Todd,** and **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** like this.)

 **David Rossi:** Thank GOD that's over with. Shopping . . . ugh.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Dave, it's okay; you can go talk to them about clothes too, if you want. We won't judge.

 **David Rossi:** Bye!

* * *

 **Spencer Reid** was **Kidnapped** with **Emily Prentiss** and **Benjamin Cyrus.**

 **Aaron Hotchner:** AGAIN? It's been less than a year since the last one!

 **Derek Morgan:** Sweet! I won the pool!

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Pool?

 **Derek Morgan:** Don't ask, don't tell. Message me later.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Reid, kidnapped . . . I guess we know what's going on over there . . . *nudgenudge*

( **Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau,** and **Emily Prentiss** like this.)

* * *

 **Ashley Seaver:** Going to see a scary movie tonight! Who's with me?

( **Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid,** and **Penelope Garcia** like this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** You kids have fun. And stay safe!

 **David Rossi:** I don't understand why people who see horror every day at their work just HAVE to go and pay eleven bucks to watch it on some big screen.

 **Derek Morgan: David Rossi** there's like a certain thrill to seeing the good guys catch the bad guys. It's fun.

 **David Rossi:** How do you not get your fill of it at the BAU? We catch plenty of bad guys!

( **Erin Strauss** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Derek Morgan:** IDK. It's just fun.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** I wonder if the 'bad guys' watch movies where the villain wins outside of their, ahem, 'jobs.'

( **George "The Reaper" Foyet** likes this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** QUIT USING THAT ACCOUNT! I don't need to see Foyet's name popping up in my notifications all the time.

 **Spencer Reid:** **Tobias** , you're upsetting him; please stop.

 **Geroge "The Reaper" Foyet:** No. This is fun. There's so many great stalking pictures on this account.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Trolololol . . .

 **Tobias Hankle:** Shut up, geek!

 **Penelop Garcia:** A compliment — you wish you were half as tech-savvy as this GEEK.

 **Tobias Hankle:** Blonde nuisance.

 **Penelope Garcia:** Oh, sweetie, you did NOT just do that.

 **Tobias Hankle:** Annnnd if I DID?

 **Penelope Garcia:** My hacking skills could put yours to shame, shug. Use your imagination.

 **Tobias Hankle:** Bring it.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Shit's about to go down.

( **Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Ashley Seaver, David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid,** and **Penelope Garcia** like this.)

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia** created a new album: **The Stupid Things That Happen To Stupid People Who Insult Me.**

 **Kevin Lynch:** O.O

 **Kevin Lynch:** OMG, did Tobias . . . ?

 **Derek Morgan:** LOL! **Emily Prentiss Spencer Reid Aaron Hotchner** CHECK THIS OUT!

 **Emily Prentiss:** MY EYES!

 **Emily Prentiss:** That HAS to be Photoshopped!

( **Spencer Reid** likes this.)

 **Spencer Reid:** The tibea can't even bend that way, especially not if one is engaged in coitus.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Penelope, I have to chastise the unprofessionalism of this . . .

 **Tobias Hankle:** How much do you want to take those down?

 **Penelope Garcia:** Admit that I'm the best hacker in this joint.

 **Tobias Hankle:**. . .

 **Penelope Garcia:** I've got an entire flashdrive's worth of pictures, boy.

 **Tobias Hankle:** Okay, sheesh. You, Penelope Garcia, are the greatest hacker around.

 **Penelope Garcia:** And coolest.

 **Derek Morgan:** And the cutest.

 **David Rossi:** And the wildest.

 **Tobias Hankle:** All of the above. Fine. Whatever. Take down the pictures. FML.

( **Spencer Reid** likes this.)

* * *

 **David Rossi:** Tonight's special — potato gnocchi with lamb ragu and steamed asparagus. Homemade mascarpone ice-cream for desert.

( **Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Erin Strauss,** and **Aaron Hotchner** like this.)

 **Penelope Garcia:** What time should we come over?

 **David Rossi:** How about not at all? I have a date.

( **Erin Strauss** and **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** like this.)

 **Penelope Garcia:** Spoilsport.

 **Derek Morgan:** A DATE? With who?

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Probably the person who keeps liking all of his statuses?

 **David Rossi:** What are you implying?

( **Erin Strauss** likes this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** Really, Dave? All of the interns get too young for you?

 **Erin Strauss:** Agent Prentiss, remember your place.

 **Emily Prentiss:** My apologies . . . Ma'am.

 **Derek Morgan:** Ma'am LOL.

 **David Rossi:** Hey! Don't insult my girlfriend!

( **Erin Strauss** likes this.)

 **Penelope Garcia:** GIRLFRIEND?

 **Aaron Hotchner:** Seriously, you had no idea?

 **Emily Prentiss:** Are we supposed to be actively interested in a coworker's love life?

 **Spencer Reid:** WHAT? You never leave me alone about mine!

 **Derek Morgan:** You have a love life?

 **Spencer Reid:** . . . And awesome hair to back it up. Why, need tips?

( **Penelope Garcia** likes this.)

 **Emily Prentiss:** It's different for you, Reid. you're all young and attractive. Dave and Erin are . . .

 **David Rossi:**. . . SO not inviting you to their authentic Italian dinner. Good evening!

 **Derek Morgan:** I think we scared them.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Serves them right. I'll be having nightmares about those two going at it for MONTHS.

( **Penelope Garcia** likes this.)

 **Aaron Hotchner:** I still can't BELIEVE you DIDN'T know!

 **Spencer Reid:** Honestly, do NONE of you hear them in Dave's office?

 **Penelope Garcia:** TMI!

* * *

 **David Rossi: Union Drywall Construction Co-Op** I need to talk to you about installing soundproof walls at my place of work.

( **Erin** **Strauss** likes this.)

* * *

 **Spencer Reid** has joined the group **Online Chess League.**

 **Spencer Reid** has invited **Derek Morgan** to the group **Online Chess League.**

 **Derek Morgan:** Kid, you have GOT to be kidding me.

 **Spencer Reid:** It's a really fun group! We spend every Saturday doing tournaments. And I need someone to challenge me more — I keep beating the computer.

 **Derek Morgan:** And you think that I'm the one to do that?

 **Spencer Reid:** Oh, right, . . . I forgot that you're not that smart.

 **Derek Morgan:** Just because we're FB friends doesn't mean that I won't kick your scrawny ass, kid.

 **Spencer Reid:** Like you scare me.

 **Derek Morgan:** Dark things do . . .

 **Penelope Garcia:** Someone needs to give those two naughty boys a spanking . . . And not me this time!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** That really seems like a job for their parents.

 **Emily Prentiss: David Rossi** Dad? Daaaad? DAAAAAAAADYYYY!

 **David Rossi:** Is this because I'm older than you?

 **Penelope Garcia:** A little. But you're still super studly. ;)

 **David Rossi:** . . . Thank you, I think.

 **Penelope Garcia:** YW. Now, there's a situation at hand that needs your attention . . . Punishment is in order!

 **David Rossi:** O.O

 **David Rossi:** I still don't understand how I became the 'father' in this twisted little group dynamic.

 **Aaron Hotchner:** At least you're not the mother.

( **Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia,** and **Erin Strauss** like this.)

* * *

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** I call DIBS on the jet's couch today!

 **Emily Prentiss:** You'll have to fight me for it!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Don't think I won't!

 **Derek Morgan:** OH, catfight on the way home? Someone bring popcorn!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** That's disgusting.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Pig.

 **Derek Morgan:** LOL Doing what I do best.

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau: Emily Prentiss** how about we just share the couch?

( **Emily Prentiss** likes this.)

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** HAH! No catfight for you, perv.

 **Derek Morgan:** No. Now it's just the idea of you two sleeping together. XD

 **Emily Prentiss:** We have GOT to get a bigger jet.

* * *

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau** changed her **Family Status** to **Sister** with **Spencer Reid.**

 **Derek Morgan** changed his **Family Status** to **Brother** with **Spencer Reid.**

 **David Rossi** changed his **Family Status** to **Uncle** with **Spencer Reid.**

 **Tobias Hankle** changed his **Relationship Status** to **It's Complicated** with **Spencer Reid.**

( **Penelope Garcia** likes this)

 **Spencer Reid:** Are you people all insane?

 **Derek Morgan:** From working with you? YES.

 **Spencer Reid:** You do know that none of these — except maybe Tobias' — are true, right?

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** We're family, Reid. Like it or not. And since we are, why not make it Facebook Official?

 **Penelope Garcia:** That is SO sweet. I'm SO putting that in your wedding toast!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** I KNEW we shouldn't have told you!

 **Tobias Hankle:** I love weddings! Can I come, too?

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** Depends; are you bringing a gift?

 **Tobias Hankle:** . . . Want a puppy? I have dogs.

 **David Rossi:** NOT ON MY PROPERTY!

 **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau:** LOLz, I guess that's a no. Sorry. Family only, apparently.

 **Emily Prentiss:** Which means all us BAU folks, Sergio, and that hot guy from the bar, right?

( **Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia,** and **Derek Morgan** like this.)

* * *

 **Matteo Cruz:** ATTENTION ALL FBI MEMBERS: After careful consideration, we have decided that the conduct on the page is entirely too unprofessional, and veering dangerously off-topic of that purpose for which this page/group was originally created and intended. No names are being mentioned. Actions have been taken, and as of this moment, the page BAU PROFILERS QUANTICO DIVISION is being disbanded. Thank you all for your efforts in team spirit, but work-related things are only to be discussed AT WORK from here on out.

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia** has created the page **Criminal Minds.**

 **Penelope Garcia:** We'll just post here from now on, gang. All for one, one for all!

( **Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Aaron Hotchner, Kevin Lynch, Ashley Seaver, Jennifer "JJ" Jereau, Derek Morgan, Jordan Todd, Erin Strauss,** and 14,000,000 other people like this.)

* * *

 **Author's Endnote:** Annnnnnnd . . . _finito!_ Shanks for reading, lovelies! I'm so, so sorry . . . XD


End file.
